When I was 12 weeks pregnant with my first child, I told my husband that if we ever wanted to have another, we would need to use a gestational carrier (GC). I was about 75% serious. I hated every single minute of being pregnant. I felt terrible and had no desire to do anything other than lay on the couch or the bed all day. Then after an emergency C-section at 25 weeks, 2 weeks at the NICU and ultimately having to say goodbye to our first child, I became 100% serious. There was no way I would risk my health or my baby’s health ever again. My husband was fully onboard. Even though I knew we needed a GC, the whole idea seemed strange to me. The only people I knew who used them were famous and rich like Kim Kardashian or Sarah Jessica Parker. I didn’t know anyone who was ever a surrogate or used a surrogate before. Once I started researching surrogacy, I was relieved to discover a handful of agencies that would help us connect with one. The problem was that they were very expensive. The first agency I spoke with charged $40,000 in agency fees, which does not cover surrogate compensation (which on average runs around $33,000 for first time surrogates). Once we add in the clinic fees, maternity allowance, insurance premiums, monthly counseling sessions, etc, our surrogacy journey was budgeting around $150,000 with this particular agency. That price tag was discouraging to us and we decided to try to find a GC on our own (an “independent” journey). After a bad experience with that, we found ourselves back to agencies and finally settled on an agency that charged $25,000 in fees, with an estimated total price tag of about $80,000 if everything worked out well (#fingersandtoescrossed). Our agency connected us quickly to our surrogate, Jennifer. We love her and we wouldn’t change a thing about our path to finding her. However, after connecting with dozens of surrogates and intended parents on social media and going through a lot of the journey myself, I have learned a few things that I think are really important to anyone considering a surrogate for their pregnancy.
There are many reasons to use a surrogate. Maybe you don’t have a uterus. Maybe you’re a cancer survivor with a uterus, but getting pregnant will be dangerous for you and your baby. Maybe you have severe endometriosis. Or if you’re like me, you have had a history of severe pregnancy complications. I’ve even heard of actresses and models needing a surrogate for the sake of their careers. If they get pregnant, their bodies will change, perhaps making them less desirable for jobs. People have used surrogates for all kinds of reasons and there is no law regulating who can or can’t use them. It’s up to the surrogate to decide. Using a surrogate is also becoming a lot more common. According to data collected by the CDC, the number of embryo transfers involving a surrogate is increasing by about 0.5%-1% a year. In 2018 alone, 4.7% of all embryo transfers involved a gestational carrier, which is approximately 6,162 embryo transfers. If trends continue, by 2030, approximately 10% of embryo transfers will involve a gestational carrier. These two pieces of information should give you confidence that what you’re asking for isn’t so strange. There are many ways to expand your family and surrogacy is a very reasonable option. Don’t be shy to tell people you’re thinking about it.
Maybe you’re not ready to pull the trigger on surrogacy, but it’s still a good idea to understand how surrogacy works in the USA. Surrogacy seems quite complex when you don’t know anything about it or how it’s typically done in the US. However, compared to other countries, surrogacy in the USA is actually straightforward. As of 2021, three states ban surrogacy and just a handful of other states make it more difficult to pursue for some intended parents. A good thing to remember with surrogacy laws is that it is the state where the surrogate lives that matter. Intended parents could be living anywhere in the USA. If you’re confused about all the steps that need to happen in surrogacy, doing a few hours of research or taking my free surrogacy online class (www.thebiggestask.com) will get you up to speed. Knowing how a typical surrogacy journey works will help you assess whether you need an agency or what role they should play. According to Fuchs and Berenson (2016), about 30% of surrogacy journeys do not involve an agency. Personally, I think the biggest value agencies provide to intended parents is their ability to find surrogates and their role as intermediaries if conflicts or touchy conversations arise between IPs and surrogates. Another interesting thing to note is that according to same 2016 study, there are no demographical, medical, legal, social, and psychological differences between surrogates found independently vs. through an agency. Many fertility clinics follow the ASRM guidelines for surrogates, which require them to be financially stable and to have had easy past pregnancies (see all of the guidelines ). These are guidelines that you or your agency should follow.
Something else to keep in mind is that agencies that charge $50,000 are not necessarily better than ones that charge $10,000. After researching more than 100 agencies, I discovered that the average cost of surrogacy agencies across the US is about $22,260 with fees ranging from $10,000 to $50,000. After checking their reviews on Facebook (more on that later), I also discovered that agency fees do not correlate with service quality. As an intended parent, you cannot assume that agencies that charge more do more up-front screening of their surrogates or provide more emotional support during the journey. Surrogacy agencies are not regulated in the USA. They can, and sometimes do, say anything to get your business.
Despite being part of the first generation that used Facebook, I had no idea how valuable Facebook groups were, especially when it comes to surrogacy. There’s a Facebook group that posts agency reviews from former intended parents and surrogates (Surrogacy Agency Reviews – U.S. ONLY) which is very useful if you’re currently evaluating agencies as an intended parent or surrogate. The admins are very careful in making sure reviews are authentic. There are also dozens of matching Facebook groups if you’re interested in doing an independent journey. One of the largest ones (currently with 8,800 members) is *Surrogates & IP’s Match/chat. Over the past 18 months, I virtually met dozens of former surrogates and I was surprised how many found their IPs through this group. However, be aware that these groups do not pre-screen anyone. Chances are that you have to chat with a bunch of people before finding the right match.
Our journey to surrogacy was traumatic, but short. Many people settle on surrogacy once they have incurred years of disappointment and fertility costs and view it as their last hope. Just because it is your last hope, does not mean that you should view it that way. Surrogacy is a gift in so many ways. Instead of focusing on all the things you won’t have with a surrogacy pregnancy (feeling baby’s first kicks, carrying a baby bump), try focusing on the things that you can have (a relationship with someone new, the ability to stay healthy and energized). Like many other things in life, you get out what you put in with surrogacy. Treat it like the biggest blessing and it will be. Oh, and if you’re worried that the surrogate will get too attached to the baby or that the baby won’t love you when he/she arrives, please believe me when I say – don’t. This is a common concern and both experienced surrogates and intended parents always emphasize that with surrogacy the bonding happens after your baby arrives, not before. References: Fuchs, E. L., & Berenson, A. B. (2016). Screening of gestational carriers in the United States. Fertility and sterility, 106(6), 1496-1502.
Via https://fertilityroad.com/curious-about-surrogacy-as-an-intended-parent-here-are-some-tips/
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Will the COVID-19 vaccines affect my chances of pregnancy? No, there’s no evidence that any vaccines, including COVID-19 vaccines, influence your chances of getting pregnant despite a myth suggesting otherwise. Do the COVID-19 vaccines affect my chances of pregnancy? No, there’s no evidence that any vaccines, including COVID-19 vaccines, influence your chances of getting pregnant despite a myth suggesting otherwise. Medical experts say there’s no biological reason the shots would affect fertility. And real-world evidence offers more assurance for anyone worried about their chances of conceiving: In Pfizer’s study, a similar number of women became pregnant in the group given the vaccine as in the group given dummy shots. Researchers are starting to study anecdotal reports of short-term changes to periods after the vaccine, but there’s no indication so far that the shots put fertility at risk, said Dr. Mary Jane Minkin, a gynecologist and professor at the Yale University School of Medicine. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and obstetrician groups also recommend COVID-19 vaccines for pregnant individuals, who have a higher risk of severe illness if infected with the coronavirus. Research shows pregnant people who get the virus are more likely to be admitted to intensive care, receive invasive ventilation and die than their nonpregnant peers. The CDC also followed tens of thousands of pregnant women who got the vaccines and found they had comparable pregnancy outcomes to pregnant women before the pandemic. So whether you are thinking about having a baby, trying to conceive or undergoing fertility treatments, you should not delay vaccination, says Dr. Denise Jamieson, chair of the department of gynecology and obstetrics at Emory University School of Medicine. Via https://fertilityroad.com/do-the-covid-19-vaccines-affect-my-chances-of-pregnancy/ Hold The Advice: What You Should And Shouldnt Say To Someone Living Through Fertility Struggles8/18/2021 Living with fertility struggles can be incredibly difficult. It’s an emotional rollercoaster and can cause people to feel sad, angry, frustrated, or anything in between. There is some support available for couples dealing with fertility struggles, but often that support can be hard to get. Workplaces often don’t offer much support, and counselling can be hard to access. If a loved one is struggling with their fertility and you want to be better support for them, here are some of the best things to say, and what you should never say. Friends and family of couples dealing with infertility, and medical professionals can always learn more about how to be kind and supportive. It can be easy to get it wrong in tough emotional situations. Whether you look into tips for effective communication for nurses, or just want to learn what will actually be helpful to say to your friend, you can try some of these tips. What To Say
What Not To Say
Via https://fertilityroad.com/living-through-fertility-struggles/ Couples have revealed the lengths they went to in a bid to get pregnant – including cutting out carbs, becoming vegetarian and having sex during a full moon. A study of 2,000 parents 21 per cent swore by the unfounded notion that women lying with their legs in the air after sex will help them to get pregnant. Others tracked their ovulation cycle (30 per cent), only had sex in a particular position (17 per cent) or lost weight (13 per cent) to try and increase their chances of conceiving. And of all the parents polled, one in 10 gave up smoking and only around a fifth quit drinking alcohol while trying to conceive. But 46 per cent felt it took longer for them to get pregnant than they thought it would, with 45 per cent feeling like it was never going to happen for them. Susanne Bisinotto from Vitabiotics Pregnacare Conception, which commissioned the research, said: “There is lots of advice out there on how to conceive and not all of it is completely true. “Trying to conceive can be a stressful and difficult time for many couples, particularly if it takes longer than they thought it would. “Separating the facts from the fiction will help you both feel more informed and hopefully create a smoother journey to getting pregnant.” Following the findings, Vitabiotics Pregnacare Conception has put together a quiz to test people’s knowledge of conception – go to https://www.vitabiotics.com/blogs/news/top-20-things-couples-tried-in-a-bid-to-conceive The study also found that while one in five don’t think the old wives’ tales and tricks they tried made any difference, 54 per cent are convinced they helped them to conceive.And 19 per cent purposely followed urban myths to try and boost their chances of getting pregnant, although 60 per cent of those admitted their partner complained about it. Almost nine in 10 even ended up arguing about it. More than a third were also given hints and tips from others on how to increase the likelihood of getting pregnant. But while 13 per cent of those thought they were useful, the rest found them ‘annoying’. Instead, 16 per cent turned to their own parents for advice when they were trying to conceive while 15 per cent went to their best friend. Others turned to their doctor (20 per cent), others who have children (eight per cent) and shared their concerns online (12 per cent). It also emerged the average age respondents had their first child was 27 years old, with 80 per cent believing this to be later than in previous generations. But while one in five said their first child was the most difficult one to conceive, 20 per cent felt they struggled the most to fall pregnant with their second baby. The study, carried out via OnePoll, found that when trying to conceive, the average couple had sex five times a week, with one in 20 admitting they did the deed at least 14 times a week – twice a day. Although, 24 per cent felt their journey to getting pregnant wasn’t a smooth one, and 14 per cent turned to IVF treatment. Tone Jarvis-Mack, chief executive of the charity The Fertility Foundation said: “Couples facing fertility issues will try anything to conceive, however having a support network as well as family and friends is important. “One in six couples in the UK face issues with fertility. “The Fertility Foundation is the UK’s leading patient fertility charity providing IVF grants as well emotional and practical support.” Top 20 things couples tried in a bid to conceive
Via https://fertilityroad.com/couples-reveal-the-lengths-they-went-to-in-a-bid-to-get-pregnant/ The menopause. Does it creep up on us or does it strike out of nowhere? Life is so busy with so many distractions that we may not consciously be aware of the emotional and physical changes that come with the menopause and may one day wake up and think “What has happened? Where did ME go??”, or we may have a slipping feeling just before we fall off the edge … good old Mother Nature. We have to see our link in the chain of life. It’s a chain that keeps adding links to one end and losing them from the other. Acceptance Women vary so much in symptoms and the severity of their symptoms, but it is important to learn to accept the changes it brings. We are arriving at a new stage in life and, rather than railing against it, allow yourself to grieve the passing of time. Yes – the menopause can be a grieving experience and we should acknowledge this as with all other life experiences. Education Find the right information and help that is available to you so you can choose the treatments and actions that will work for you and your body. Menopause is an individual experience for each of us. Trust your instincts and try different things. Some won’t work for you but some will. Be open to exploring new avenues, especially holistic and natural routes. Make an informed decision about HRT. Explore body identical hormones rather than chemical. The more you can learn the greater your choices become. Davina MCColl smashed a few taboos with her menopause documentary which you can watch online: https://www.channel4.com/programmes/davina-mccall-sex-myths-and-the-menopause Action It’s not always when we are suffering from a lack of motivation, anxiety, brain fog and all those energy sucking symptoms that we have to deal with. This is where we need to hone our survival instincts and find and do the things that we know will help us in the long run. Nothing will change for us if we do nothing to make change. Forcing ourselves to take necessary actions will create a sense of achievement and of being in control. It will be hard at first but the more we do something, the easier it becomes. Respect yourself. Acknowledge your feelings and trust your choices. Your timeline In a world where we are constantly bombarded by images of the young, beautiful and perfect, it can make the menopause seem even more of a challenge. We may feel left behind and invisible as we get older. Stop – we are not defined by youth. Work out what you need to navigate this stage in your life and concentrate on your inner being. Consider things to enhance you as a person and your inner being. Inclusion The menopause doesn’t just affect you, if affects all the people you share your life with. Include them as you transition this time. Talking about your feelings can unravel a lot of confusion and it stops us being misunderstood. When we feel misunderstood or unheard, we can have a tendency to withdraw and bury our emotions. Reaching out to others can open new doors and when we think back to years ago, women would chat over the garden fence, putting the world to rights and solving their problems without actually realising they were. Especially during this time of the pandemic, we have lost these spontaneous and very healing exchanges. Make an effort to talk about how you feel. It can be better than medicine. Self-care It’s ok to spend time on you, particularly during menopause when your energy levels are struggling. Find things that resonate with you that create a sense of self-nurturing without guilt. We women can be so busy and can get used to coming last in the care list when juggling family, work and home. Step back, breathe and do it for your sanity. There are so many things under the self care umbrella – good, natural and wholesome foods; watch alcohol intake; create bathing rituals – I love the Neom de-stress foam bath and candles; grooming, exercise – getting out in nature for a walk is one of the best. Decide to grab the menopause with two hands and make your recovery work! Lianna Champ has over 40 years’ experience in grief and bereavement counselling and is author of practical guide, How to Grieve Like A Champ Via https://fertilityroad.com/6-strategies-to-get-through-menopause/ To us, our fertility doctors and nurses are heroes, and for the lucky ones that have had successful treatment they have made a huge difference to our lives. However, there are some things that we wish we could say to our fertility clinics, but daren’t in case they strike us off their list for being so ungrateful. This may sound extreme, but when we are going through treatment, we are desperate for a baby and struggling to cope, so we’re not always thinking rationally. I have heard a lot of feedback through the patients I work with and support across the country, so wanted to share them in the hope that it will help doctors and nurses understand how patients really feel, and to help those that feel these things but daren’t say.
“I’ve tried loads of different supplements and alternative therapy and I found that the hospital just looked at me as if I was a mug for buying into it. I’ll try anything if it helps, desperate maybe, but worth a shot in my book. It would be helpful If they would provide information of the whole range of supplements and therapies available rather than just shooting you down afterwards for doing your own research. I wish they’d just say it’s not their area of expertise and refer you to someone who is qualified to help.”
“I felt like I was on a conveyor belt and there was no recognition/familiarity, every fail I felt I was left abandoned and then when you finally get a feedback appointment the form is there to sign for another go. Cold process, box ticking exercises… No real investigations or follow up care apart from a letter saying you can access a counsellor if you want to. I’m left not knowing options really, now 40 and not considering IVF anymore although possibly would have another go, not sure.”
“If you are a male medic doing a transvaginal ultrasound, for the love of god, PLEASE use lube! You might not have a vagina but in your job you are meant to be experts.”
We know there are reasons for some of these things, and that not all patients feel the same. But this process is hard for us, and we struggle on a lot of days to hold it together. What we need is empathy for how difficult this is for us emotionally, sensitivity to the fact we are vulnerable and consideration on how certain comments and behaviour will affect us. Thank you for all you do for us, we appreciate you and will always remember what you do for us, regardless of the outcome. Via https://fertilityroad.com/things-we-wish-we-could-tell-our-fertility-clinic/ “Sit with me, feel my reassurance, embrace my calmness, take a moment to rebalance”. So last week we discussed the benefits of chamomile, this week I am sharing how to use it with you! Tea: Drink up to 3 cups per day for nervous conditions and general relaxation. It helps reduce spasms, can be used as an anti-inflammatory, reduces fevers, eases lumbago, rheumatic problems and rashes, supports digestion, reduces allergic symptoms, helps clear phlegm, eases morning sickness and, increases milk production when breast feeding AND reduces menstrual cramps. You can even cool chamomile tea and use as a mouthwash to heal sore mouth sores and prevent gum disease. As a salve, cream, lotion or compress – for hemorrhoids and wounds, skin issues, sore nipples, improve healing. Add in an oil form to a cool bath to ease itching, rashes and reduce skin inflammation. Use as an eye wash for conjunctivitis, inflammation and infections, tired, sore, puffy or dry eyes. Use chamomile tea bags as a compress in cold/tepid tea for topical support. As a vapour – Add a few drops of tincture or essential oil to your pillow or aromatherapy diffuser to ease sleep, pain, anxiety, restlessness, depression, worry, as a decongestant, reduce allergic reactions, ease skin inflammations and sinusitis. You can buy either German or Roman chamomile oil and tea from The Natural Dispensary. Remember by promo code is Maple for 10% discount As a Spagyric tincture: Its anti-inflammatory and antispasmodic actions relax the smooth muscles lining the stomach and intestine. I use it to calm Crohn’s, stress related flatulence, heartburn, nausea, diverticulitis, irritable bowel, gastritis , ulcerative colitis, inflammation, to gently encourage bowel movements, soothe skin rashes (including eczema), as an antihistamine or simply as a relaxant. I can make a Spagyric blend or specific tincture or cream for you – simply email [email protected]. Prices from £20 Essential oil – extracted from chamomile flowers this calming super heroine is considered a safe essential oil (not recommended during pregnancy or if you have strong allergies to the compositae plant family (including such flowers as daisies, ragweed, asters and chrysanthemums). Both Roman and German Chamomile essential oils are middle to top notes in aromatherapy. Add to baths, vagi steams, your pillow or your body creams as an essential oil or or spagyric tincture. Make a therapeutic bath or foot soak or vagi steam this month with a combination of dandelion leaves and flowers, chamomile flowers, lavender, rosemary, mint leaves and peony flowers to soothe bladder inflammations, cystitis, vaginal infections, cleanse and soothe your uterus and support PMS systems If you fancy making up your own blend then Chamomile essential oil blends well with any of these oils or plants neroli, clary sage, bergamot, patchouli, lavender, jasmine, rose otto, benzoin, marjoram, lemon, ylang ylang and geranium. Plenty of ways to use chamomile this month. Blessings Via https://fertilityroad.com/8-ways-to-use-chamomile-for-itchy-skin/ If there is one thing that everyone needs, no matter their age, health condition, or lifestyle, it is a good night’s sleep each and every night. If this is something you are struggling to achieve, you need to get to the bottom of why this is the case so that you can rectify the issue. With that being said, continue reading to find out the various reasons why you may not be able to get a good sleep. You are feeling stressed – Stress… the root of all evil, right? More and more people are feeling stressed today, as they try to juggle family and work pressures. This can result in a lack of sleep. This is because your mind is full, therefore, preventing you from drifting off. You need to find ways to get rid of this stress. Why not write a journal so you can get these thoughts out of your mind? This is one of the most effective techniques. Often, we are kept awake because we worry so much, and so by keeping a journal you can offload your thoughts so that they do not weigh you down and consume your mind while you are tyring to get that all-important rest time! Try it, and we are sure you will be shocked by how much of a difference it can make. One of the most important things you need to do here is getting to the root cause of the problem that you are experiencing. Once you find out why you are feeling so stressed, to begin with, you are going to be best placed to manage this stress so that you can get to a better outcome. You can also practice different techniques that can help you to lower the stress you are experiencing. Examples include deep-breathing techniques, as well as yoga and meditation. Your body clock is all over the place – Do you go to sleep at different times throughout the week? If so, your body clock is all over the place and needs a bit of consistency. One of the best pieces of advice anyone can give you when it comes to getting a good night’s sleep is to get into a routine. This is a critical because your body will know when to wake up and when to go to sleep. If you sleep at different times, your body is going to be completely out of rhythm. Your bedroom is too harsh in terms of decor and colours used – Another reason why you may be struggling to get to sleep is that your bedroom is too vibrant and harsh in terms of design. Yes, red may be your favourite colour, but it will not help you to sleep. A neutral colour palette is a must for any bedroom. Calming colours will help to soothe you and make it easier for you to drift off into a good night’s sleep. You may want to even consider investing in an oil diffuser for your room. They do not cost a lot of money and they will emit soothing scents so that you can relax and fall asleep. Lavender is often one of the best options for this. Small changes like this can help to make the environment more relaxing overall, which can make a really big difference. The temperature is not right – The temperature in your bedroom can also have a big impact. You are bound to wake up regularly throughout the night if your bedroom is too warm. Therefore, make sure you consider the environment. Do you have the right duvet for the current climate, or is it too thick or thin? Moreover, you can program your heating so that it comes on at the coldest part of the night to keep you warm. A little bit of planning and consideration can go a very long way when it comes to improving your chances of having a good night’s rest. You use tech right before bed – Do you play games on your phone before you go to sleep? This is not a good bedtime activity. Why not read a book instead? Using your technology items before bed can make it more difficult for you to fall asleep because of the light that is emitted. It is a good idea to avoid using your phone or any other devices like this an hour before you go to bed, as this will make it easier for you to drift off to sleep. In addition to this, another reason why our phones can keep us awake is that they can result in us feeling more stressed. You may start browsing social media and read comments that make you feel anxious or unsettled. Furthermore, you could find that you start checking your work emails, which can also leave you feeling stressed. Your mattress and pillow are uncomfortable – Finding the right mattress and the best pillow can be a bit of trial and error, which is annoying. NetVoucherCodes.co.uk mattress guide is a great resource. Your pillow and your mattress are the two most important elements when it comes to comfort and quality of sleep. Here are some things you need to consider when it comes to choosing a mattress:
As you can see, sleep deprivation can be a problem for many different people for a whole host of reasons. Hopefully, you have now got to the bottom of why you are struggling to sleep, and you feel like you have plenty of advice to help you rectify the issue. However, if the problem does persist, it is a good idea to book an appointment with your doctor as they may be able to look into making some changes that can further help you when it comes to getting the rest that you need. Via https://fertilityroad.com/is-a-good-nights-sleep-nothing-more-than-a-dream/ By Evan DeMarco All of us have experienced some sort of trauma, although the type and extent can vary from person to person. Many people carry the burden of unresolved or unaddressed trauma for years, if not their whole lives—which is a frustrating and limiting way to live. Medical practitioners have spent decades looking for methods to treat post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms, along with numerous other physical and mental trauma-related conditions. Peter A. Levine, PhD., a trauma therapist, heard the call and developed the Somatic Experiencing® (SE) method for healing trauma and other stress disorders. Should I fight, take flight or freeze?Humans and animals display a natural motor response to imminent threats: fight, flight and freeze. These instinctive responses are designed to protect yourself from or survive the encounter with a threat. For example, imagine you’re camping in the woods and see a bear charging toward you. If you know your bear survival methods, your first instinct might be to charge toward them to scare them off. Then you realize that it’s a grizzly bear, so you’re tempted to try to escape—but as your options disappear, you might finally decide it’s best to play dead. How did you make all of these decisions in a split second? Upon realizing that you’re in some kind of danger, your body automatically activates your sympathetic nervous system (SNS), which communicates to the brain that you need to fight, flight or freeze. At the same time, your adrenal glands release adrenaline, maximizing your strength to either fight off the threat or escape from it. You’re not consciously aware, but your body is—and it’s recording this trauma to process later. Releasing the traumaAccording to Somatic Experiencing, your trauma isn’t the result of the traumatic event you experienced. Instead, trauma occurs when the unresolved freeze response causes an imbalance in your nervous system. After creating the energy to fight or flee, your body must release all that momentum through the “freeze” portion. Skipping this part of the threat response cycle causes this energy to remain trapped within you. The Somatic Experiencing approach allows patients to complete the freeze response well after the initial trauma has occurred. Once they’ve worked through lingering freeze responses, their bodies finally release the energy and stamina their SNS created when it was triggered. To overcome trauma using SE methods, you work to access the “body memory” of the event, rather than the details of the event itself. This is comforting for people who struggle to talk about past trauma or who experience distress when revisiting it. How Somatic Experiencing resolves traumaCertified Somatic Experiencing practitioners (SEP) work with you to reconnect you with the physical sensations of your traumatic experience. As you focus on your body, you become more aware of those sensations. Then you can use SE tools to release them, completing the freeze response.
Is SE right for you?If you’ve had difficulty overcoming trauma through psychological approaches and talk therapy, SE may help. Unlike other approaches that prioritize memories and thoughts, SE addresses physical manifestations. This approach uncovers the habitual behavior patterns that trigger PTSD and other trauma-related conditions. By targeting these behaviors, the patient works with their SEP to mitigate these destructive behaviors. SE uses breathwork and “moving meditations” such as yoga, tai chi and qigong, the patient’s body to ease the physical manifestations of trauma. As the patient continues this practice, they’ll have less-extreme responses to stress and trauma, with fewer long-term effects.If you’re still dealing with unresolved trauma, Somatic Experiencing can have remarkably healing effects—find a certified SEP near you. SE could be the key to a happier life after properly processing unresolved trauma. Evan DeMarco is a leading sports medicine scientist and nutrition expert, published author, public speaker and frequent guest on television, radio, and digital platforms. He is the co-founder Complete Human (www.completehuman.com) the new multi-media platform that takes a deep dive into the areas of mind, body, soul, and planet while exploring what makes us who we are and what will make us better. Via https://fertilityroad.com/dealing-with-trauma-somatic-experiencing-can-help-you-heal/ Dont Lose Sight Of Why You Matter Counselling And Why It Is Important To Think About Yourself7/19/2021 I thought it might help to write a follow up from my last article. This time the focus is on what to consider once you have decided to seek help. Please rest assured if you have decided to go ahead with therapy but still feel unsure this is perfectly understandable. In fact, once you start there may be some weeks in which you find yourself so pleased you started on this journey and others which leave you doubting if you should have ever bothered in the first place. At this point, the breaks can indeed be put on. Alternatively, you may just want to slow down and almost like a car, start cruising, take your time, recap what has been said so far, gather your thoughts. This is ok and is also what the sessions can be used for. There appears to be some who think the whole session needs to be used to talk and get feedback and that every minute must be filled. This is not the case. On the contrary, silence can be helpful too. To sit with your thoughts, not alone, but alongside your therapist. Perhaps to revisit something that came up a few weeks ago that is still on your mind. A new weeks does not necessarily mean new material. Accepting it is ok to not be ok Putting on a brave face is something I think we are all guilty of doing at some point in our lives. Therapy helps teach you it does not have to be done here. It allows you freedom to do what you need to do – whether that is cry, laugh, shout, feel and express anger. It takes time to reach the point in which you feel bale to do this with your therapist, for some it will take longer than others. Yet the relief when you start to let go of some of the thoughts and feelings you have thus far been unable to share is hard to put into words. To know this person will be there for you, at a set day and time each week, allows you to start to rely on not feeling so alone and isolated. Although letting somebody in may feel daunting it can also result in you feeling less trapped in your own thoughts with no escape and nobody to turn to. Dedicating time and making a commitment It is worth noting that therapy is a two way process. The relationship between therapist and client is extremely unique and involves commitment by both in order for the relationship to develop and work. Deciding to embark on therapy is not an easy decision to make. For some, taking time out of their busy day will be challenging; for others asking for help may be something they are not used to doing. The cost too pays an important part in decision-making. You may find yourself questioning your self-worth; do you deserve to spend this money on yourself or should you be spending it on something else? It may be that some or all of these questions are all familiar to you. What is worth pointing out is that these are all things which can and should be discussed with your therapist. The more honest you can be with yourself and your therapist the better. This leads me onto another very important fact. It has to be the right time for you. Many people start therapy as they have been pressurised into coming, perhaps by a parent or spouse. YOU have to want to come and YOU have to want help and support in order to make changes in your life. Therapy will not work if you are not committed to talking, sharing, being open and willing to discuss really difficult things. When to have therapy It is important to try and choose a day and time which suits you. We all lead busy lives but it is vital that time is set aside before a session in order to think about those issues most pressing at that moment. Equally, after a session to think about and process what just happened. All these factors are extremely crucial and I believe can affect the outcome of your experience. All these factors demonstrate just how much of a commitment therapy is. I strongly urge you too to make sure you have a support network around you outside of therapy. I appreciate for some this is not possible and may indeed be the reason why they have embarked upon personal therapy in the first place. However, those who can are encouraged to let others know what they are doing. I say this because therapy is mentally exhausting. Before a session you may feel anxious and after a session it is not uncommon to feel drained. If others whom you know will be around at these times are aware that you are having therapy they can be mindful of this which will in turn allow you the support and space you will need. Face to face? Zoom? Telephone? Therapy can be experienced a number of ways. Having recently returned to working face to face with clients I would recommend this as the first choice to anybody looking for a therapist. I feel a deeper level of work can be reached and the relationship built between client and therapist becomes more alive in the room. However, it may not be possible to work face to face. Zoom still offers a chance to see each other and build the relationship in this way. The telephone may be others’ preferred way to speak, especially if they feel intimidated perhaps or even struggle to look at others when sharing things they may never have told anybody before. For these people, they may thrive and find comfort in talking to their therapist over the telephone. It may be freeing and liberating and help them open up if they cannot be seen. Who to choose? There is always a reason we choose the therapist we choose. No therapist will work with somebody they know, or are too close to others who know prospective clients. Often, therapists include a picture of themselves and it is encouraged to read the blurb they write about themselves and think about if what they have written resonates with you. Often they may have a specialist subject. It is worth considering if you want to work with a man or woman and what sort of age you would like them to be. It is interesting the type of clients who gravitate towards a certain therapist. Exploring the reason with your therapist why you chose him/her can be very insightful if you ever do this! A final thought I want to add though that from a personal and professional perspective I believe therapy is invaluable. It really can be life changing. As cliché as it is, it really is about seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes when the light is too bright, the therapist can act almost like a pair of sunglasses. They can help guide you through difficult times, not to make the pain go away, but certainly to help ease it. Unless you have the opportunity to feel supported and listened to this may all sound a bit far-fetched. When I recently ended a five years of therapy I said to my therapist, the door is now closed, but it is not locked. I am open to the prospect of needing to speak with her again in the future. For now, she is with me in my thoughts. I often wonder to myself what she would say to me in certain situations. This demonstrates my final point, that although there comes a point when sessions end, you are never alone nor do you need to be. Jane Newman Via https://fertilityroad.com/dont-lose-sight-of-why-you-matter/ |
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